Tribute

So, now, I have to write the post I never wanted to write. My beautiful wife passed away peacefully surrounded by family on 4 May 2010 at just 32 years old. I miss her more than I could ever say and I will love her forever but her blog is a source of great comfort. I can hear her saying the words and they trigger so many of my happy memories of her.

Although Jo never really publicised the blog particularly widely, I hope others also continue to find joy in her thoughts and recipes but above all her kindness, which shines through.

I think the best way to end the blog, as suggested by Jo's friend, Lucy, is to post the tribute that her friend Kate gave at the Thanksgiving service for Jo's life.

With love,

Jonny

Tribute to Jo by Kate Patterson, 17 May 2010
I am aware that I cannot begin to do justice to all the memories of Jo and all the love for Jo represented here and across the world by others who can’t be here. She was too special to be summed up by these few words. This tribute is given with deep thankfulness for her life.

Jo only lived 32 years but she made a huge impact for quite a small person. Although as some of you may have heard, she always insisted she was quite tall. We did try to correct this misunderstanding but she would have none of it!

The great impact Jo made was one of love and friendship but I don’t think she realised just how special she was to so many people.

Person after person has spoken to me about Jo’s generous and selfless nature. She genuinely loved to share. I remember going with her to Marble Hill Park and sharing a main course and a cake; afterwards she wrote in her blog, "My friend asked me what kind of things I like to do. I said "things like this." Share life. Share living. Share cake.”

Which brings me on to cake….. an important part of Jo’s life! Jo was a fantastic cook and loved to bake; it was Jo’s plan that we would have cupcakes after the service. She was the cupcake queen. In fact, Gen, who has organized all the cupcakes, told me that her friendship with Jo began and was cemented by the gift of a cake. When her friend Ali had her first baby, Jo organized a baby shower, made beautiful invitations and of course cupcakes.

I pick up from Jon that Jo was the organizer of the household – she was amazingly efficient. In September, Jo took on organizing all the food at our church alpha course, catering for over 70 people on the first night. She wanted newcomers to experience the welcome she had received. For one of the nights, she cooked 180 sausages!

Jo wrote this, “cooking is a way I express my love for those I care about. I love to cook Jonny things he enjoys after a long day at work, or bake cakes for people I care about …… This is a way I express my desire to nourish and support those who surround me.”

She made a cake with love for her niece Maisie’s second birthday. It was a great sadness to Jo that she couldn’t have children but being Jo, she responded by reaching out not shutting off. Jo described Maisie as one of the joys of her life and she adored looking after Maisie and little Hannah.

She was caring without being remotely sanctimonious. In her blog, she writes, “I popped over to see one of my lovely friends yesterday morning. She has a seven week old baby boy and has been struggling with lack of sleep……..So I’ve been pondering all week how best to help her and be supportive”. Typical Jo! What she did was to make soup and give a hug.

There are some great recipes on her blog – though I would love to meet anyone who has had the courage to try Jo’s recipe for sprout smoothie!

Jo was definitely adventurous. She loved to travel and if you haven’t seen her photos of the great whale watching trip, you might want to check out her blog. In fact all her photos are superb. I remember looking at them and thinking is there anything this girl can’t put her hand to? Qualified accountant, well-read, grade 8 piano, great cook, impeccably dressed….. but as her friend and sister Sarah said, none of that mattered to Jo compared to the importance of relationships.

Jo was fun, wasn’t she? She was good at teasing and being teased. She could give it - as she did in my birthday present of a mug which said “domestic goddess in disguise”! She could also take it. Jon used to tease her about her occasional tendency to mix up her words like when they were travelling and she looked out to sea and said, “Look at all those uninhibited islands”.

Jo was always good for a bit of retail therapy and liked the sales because you could focus on what you’d saved rather than what you’d spent. She was our fashion guru. Gerry tells me that she called Jo in to help her pare down her wardrobe. Jo patiently went through everything and when Gerry was reluctant to be ruthless, she simply told her, “Well I couldn’t speak to you at church on Sunday if you wore that!” They laughed a lot as they sorted through Gerry’s clothes and Gerry can now close the doors of her wardrobe.

I know one of Jo’s highlights of this year was the fairytale night at London Fashion week with Lucy where she met HRH Camilla. I hope Camilla knew how honoured she was to shake hands with our Jo. She was also thrilled to meet Rupert Everett who she described as having enormous nostrils!

Jo was beautiful, her shiny dark hair, her gorgeous scarves, her lovely smile and of course, her recent discovery of eyelash extensions!

Jo never felt she was brave but we thought she was. She could so easily have curled up in a corner in the last few years but instead she determinedly looked outwards and upwards. She enjoyed doing her Pilates and set out to learn to be a Pilates teacher. She used me as a guinea pig in January; I am taller for being stretched by Jo!

Jo was determined. We used to joke that although she was very gentle, she was also feisty.
She wrote, “Those who know me, know I do have a determined streak at times.” It was a determination that kicked in with the battle with cancer. She said this, “I refuse to be defined by it. I am so much more than this wretched disease” – and she was. She didn’t allow the fear of dying to stop the joy of living.

Jo had great faith. She believed God was bigger and trusted his love to carry her through the most difficult of times. She quoted this poem on her blog which her mum sent her:

"What cancer cannot do:
It cannot cripple Love
It cannot shatter Hope
It cannot corrode Faith
It cannot destroy Peace
It cannot suppress Memories
It cannot silence Courage
It cannot invade the Soul
It cannot steal Eternal Life
It cannot conquer the Spirit"

Jo’s faith was immensely encouraging to us but she never thought she was anything special. She really disliked it when people called her amazing; she was so honest about her fears and her grief and just felt she was trying to make the best of a tough hand in life. I loved this quote on her blog - "This is what I am - Just Jo. Nothing amazing. But here, loved by her family and friends. And Jo just wants to love back."

She did love us back in true Jo fashion.

It was that love and faith that marked out how Jo handled the suffering she encountered. Jo felt the tough stuff acutely but she had the gift of gratitude. She so appreciated her family and the way her mum cared for her. She was grateful for her friends: “… I have some really lovely friends. I know I didn't need to get cancer to tell me that, but to feel the strength of their support is something really quite wonderful.”

Her love for her Jonny was her great enduring joy. She wrote on Valentines Day, “Life may have dealt me some very tough cards, but not when it comes to finding the one.” She even became a genuine Manchester United supporter for Jonny!

Some people can be generous in a way that makes you feel you owe them. Jo never did that I.O.U. thing, she wanted to love us back. That made Jo an Olympic gold medallist at friendship.
One friend wrote this: "It is rare to find a friend you can confide everything in, a friend who really shares your joys and your burdens, celebrates with you and weeps with you and Jo was such a friend."

Another said this: "Knowing her has changed my life more than anyone else ever did. She probably was never aware of how much God used her to teach me. She was a true and honest friend and I feel so blessed to have known her."

And another: "For me it was the greatest privilege to have known her and to have been part of her life. "

And another: "I loved EVERY moment of our friendship, what a privilege to have been Jo's friend, she truly was a gift from God."

Her huge capacity for love and friendship made so many people feel special. It’s why this church is so full today.

All of us who knew Jo know that one of her biggest struggles with cancer was that she wanted to spare us and especially Jonny and her family the pain of grief. Sometimes she would say it was better we had never known her. But I believe that she has enriched our lives in ways that death can’t ever destroy.

Jo wrote this in her blog: "I believe most of us yearn to belong, wherever we are in life. For me, heartbreakingly, doors have been closed. But that is not to say I don't belong anywhere. There are special people and places and moments where I totally do. Not defined by illness or labels or what I look like or whatever. A level beyond any of those temporary things that seek to destroy my human spirit."

Jo grasped that love is eternal and found a deep reassurance in the knowledge that she belonged to God. There is a song she loved by Kathryn Scott called “I belong” which the band are going to sing. These are the words:

"Not angels, nor demons, no power on earth or heaven
Not distance, nor danger, no trouble now or ever
Nothing can take me from your great love
Forever this truth remains – I belong to you

Not hardship, nor hunger, no pain or depth of sorrow
Not weakness, nor failure, no broken dream or promise
Nothing can take me from your great love
Forever this truth remains-I belong to you"

Jo found these words immensely comforting and I believe she would want us to know that same comfort today.

We are deeply grateful to have had Jo in our lives.

Easter Weekend and Derbyshire delights

Ok. So last weekend was a while ago now. Especially since my non bloggable issues, the airline industry coming to a hault with the Icelandic volcanic ash (which rather amusingly no one on the BBC can pronounce - so just aren't,) and the bit political debate last night.

BUT last weekend we stayed at Mottrum Hall in Cheshire. In retrospect, given my tum, we maybe should have stayed home. But those who know me, know I do have a determined streak at times. And this was planned. The place is grand from the outside, and has a nice spa and relaxation area. I got all the info from my manicurist on who is a member. It's footballers wife's country. Carlos Tevez, Wayne Rooney, Michael Carrick are all members apparently. And Sir Alex used to be. Some of the Chelsea team were staying in an annexe on the Friday night before the game. Not that I saw any and the less said about Chelsea the better.

Given all this, the rooms are not actually that swish. I mean they are fine. But could probably do with updating. Good breakfast mind.

We tried eating out a couple of times. Bad move on my part. Should have taken a picture of Jonny's face when I ordered the muscles one evening. I mean really. Of all the things to order.

Our time "out" was in Derbyshire on the Sunday. It really is beautiful. Stunning in fact. We visited Buxton briefly only to realise everything was shut on Easter Sunday, but was pretty to see anyway. I post a couple of pics of us out of the car and looking far more active than we actually were, and far less rainy than it actually was. Still loved the fresh air though.

Our time with the family on the Monday was lovely. It was great to see everyone and to see our nephews getting on so well. I think the activity books we chose were a hit too. As Jonny had work to do in Manchester on the Tuesday my sister in law introduced me to the Trafford Centre. Oh and a stop at her favourite local boutique, where I may have purchased a top...

Oh so silent blog

I know I have sent a couple of alarm bells ringing with my lack of blog posts the past few days. So am just updating to say I am still here.

There are some things that when I just don't want to blog about. Too hideous. Too private. Suffice to say I am getting lots of good care and things are slowly improving. Ironically it is the side effects of a tablet to reduce the side effects of the chemo that have caused so much drama.

People are being very kind. Jonny is well fed, which is such a blessing. To not to even have to think what he may have for dinner each night. If only I could join in the eatng more. The food looks good just no tum for it. Very basic diet for me right now.

I have offers of people to come and sit with me. They keep saying they don't mind how I am. The trouble is that I mind. It bothers me.

I know I need to get over myself but it is a step at a time. This is happening to me. And it is for me to know what is right and helpful and what isn't.

Weekend getaway

I have been really looking forward to getting away this weekend. We both so need a change of scene and the country side location looks beautiful. There are some things that doctors can't prescribe but you just know will do you good.

I was getting even more excited yesterday as I was feeling well. Eating and digesting normally. Which has taken a long time to settle. So I have been rather put out by a nasty reaction to a toasted turkey sandwich I made myself for lunch today. I spent the afternoon in bed. And elsewhere. This is getting so bloomin tedious. Now I am worried I will be spending the entire weekend inside the our hotel room bathroom.

Let's be positive. It could have just been one of those things. And careful choices over the next 24 hours should hopefully mean I don't have to order a slice of toast for my dinner in the nice restaurant tomorrow night.

We are still very much going. And we WILL be having a lovely time. There is more to me than my tum.

Jazz Night

I had a night out last night. I can count the nights out I have had this year on one hand. So it was all quite exciting.

I went to a jazz night at the Bedford in Balham with a couple of friends. Now I am not really one to listen to jazz much at home. But live it is amazing. My friends friend had organised the event, so we had reserved seats right at the front. The pianist was incredible. Such talent. And the vocalists pretty awesome too. The lead vocalist was Liz Cole. You should check out her stuff:

http://www.myspace.com/lizcolemusic

It was great to be out and doing something "normal," whatever that is. And also brought back a few memories. As Jonny and I went on one of our very early dates years ago to a comedy night at the Bedford.

I was in a good mood last night anyway. I have confused the hospital in a good way as my red cell count has gone up rather than down, so no need for a blood transfusion right now after all. They can't really work it out. But no complaints from me.

Sleep Please

I am getting so fed up with my sleep problems. And getting fed up with them probably doesn't help.

I don't think I helped myself yesterday. I had an unscheduled trip to the hospital in the morning to try and sort my anaemia problems out. And then a GP appointment mid afternoon. This meant I didn't get my afternoon rest until 5 ish. I fell promptly fast asleep until gone 7. And this probably didn't help me try to get off for a good nights sleep a couple of hours later.

But this problem has been going on far longer than one night.

For those who have never encountered insomnia I can only imagine it sounds ridiculous. If you are tired, surely the body will just go to sleep for some rest. But that is the whole point. With insomnia the switching into sleep mode just doesn't happen. This leads to over tiredness in the night which makes the problem even worse.

I have some reflexology booked for later on today. That seemed to help massively last week so here's hoping it does the trick for me again tonight. That and a soak in some lovely bath oil my friend dropped round yesterday.

Not only am I totally fed up with my sleep problems. I am also thoroughly bored with going on about them.

The GP I saw yesterday described my whole situation as a "bugger." I was rather taken a back. But couldn't help finding myself agreeing with him. Quite frankly it is.

Cheats Easter Simnal Cake

I haven't posted any recipes in ages. This is a cheats version based on one that Nigella does for the traditional Easter simnal cake. I just do it this way and it is super easy. If you are a marzipan lover this cake is divine.

For those who don't know, it has 11 balls on the top. One for each apostle. Apart from Judas who isn't allowed on the cake.

Ingredients:

175g butter or margarine
100g golden granulated sugar
75g white granulated sugar
230g white self raising flour
3 large organic eggs
500g good quality mixed dried fruit
Dash of milk
75g glace cherries - sliced
Pinch ground Cinnamon
Pinch ground ginger
Pinch All Spice
Approx 750g shop bought golden marzipan
Couple of tablespoons of apricot jam

Method:

Preheat oven to 160

Grease and line a deep spring form baking tin.

In the food mixer blitz the butter, eggs and sugar until smooth. Add the flour, milk and spices and blitz. Stir in the dried fruit.

Roll out about 400g marzipan and cut out a layer of marzipan to go in middle of cake. Put half the mixture in the tin. Put in the marzipan layer. Top with remaining cake mixture.

Place in oven for approx two hours. It is done when it is risen and a skewer test is clear. Leave overnight in tin to cool completely.

The next day remove from tin and remove all the lining paper.

Roll out another marzipan circle. Also roll 11 little apostle balls. Melt some apricot jam and smooth over top of cake. Place your cut circle on top. Fix your apostle balls with either a little of the jam left in the pan or some egg white.

Done. Even if you don't like marzipan it is a great centrepiece to have around over the Easter weekend. I'm not sure ours will last that long.

Glazed Painted Cupcake

Here is my finished glazed cupcake that I had much fun with a couple of weeks ago when I went pottery painting:

I am really pleased with it. And you can keep things inside too. Maybe a cupcake I can eat..

Women's Breakfast

I love the women's breakfast at church. It is usually just once a term, and a time for women to get together, chat, laugh, share and usually we have a speaker.

I went along this morning. My digestive problems have been so hideously bad recently, coupled with my insomnia, that yesterday I didn't think I was going to make it. This would have been a blow having not gone to the Love Maggies afternoon yesterday, which I really wanted to go to, and having to rearrange my course assessment that was meant to be today too. I was feeling like I was going to be bound to the sofa for the rest of my days.

Anyway thanks to advice from my hospice nurse (who is AMAZING and so much help) I managed some sleep last night and this morning was feeling better so did make it.

I guess there are about fifty or so women who usually go along, and the rough age range is from those in their early twenties through to early sixties. I love the fact that no labels apply though. By that I mean it doesn't about your age, career, family circumstances, illness or whatever. It's just a bunch of lovely ladies who get together, have a chit chat over some croissant and fresh coffee and share their lives with each other for a couple of hours on a Saturday morning.

This morning an amazing lady talked about how her faith had helped her to cope with her partial facial paralysis which suddenly hit her 18 months ago. And then a wonderful hilarious guest speaker used the analogy of clothes to talk about how we try to fit and clothe ourselves in what doesn't always fit - and how our faith challenges and frees us from that. I laughed a lot and caught up with friends. A very different place from the sobbing mess I was in yesterday evening.

Now home armed with a strategy to try and sort out my digestion. I am still on full anti sickness medications nine days post chemo. This is not great. I tried stopping them yesterday and it was something of a disaster. I am treating myself like a child. I have made myself a sandwich. Cut it into quarters and will be eating ONE quarter PER hour this afternoon and no more. That is how bad things have become that I am having to ration myself small portions of food so I don't get some hideous reaction.

In the dark moments of yesterday evening it occurred to me that it really isn't any wonder I feel so ill. I haven't been able to digest a proper meal in over a week. Even though I am exhausted I can't sleep because of my insomnia. I am in all likelihood very anaemic right now. And my white cell count will be at the lowest in the cycle meaning I have very little immunity. So I decided to give myself a break. Put all that together, along with the bloomin nasties in my body, and it is no surprise I have been feeling so shocking.

It's no fun. So I am very grateful those lovely girls had me smiling and laughing this morning. Now time for some TV in bed. I am just going to be very kind to myself right now because that is what I need.

Sweet things

Thank you for my Easter biscuits that arrived in the post today. So kind.



My tum tum is not well. But that is not going to stop me eating them anyway.

Walk in the Park

So simple. Yet so nice.

Fresh air in Richmond Park first thing this morning. Shared with a very good friend.

The birds were singing for spring. And after a little bit the sunshine did breakthrough.

I was out. Walking. Enjoying. Living.

Change of scene day

So I had my change of scene day today. It's been a week with mainly these four walls of this home. I love my home but it was time for a change today. It was lovely. My friend has more womens magazines than a newsagent so made a good stab at catching up on trends and celebrity in between naps in the morning.

I then ate a whole jacket potato with tuna on it for lunch. I realise that is NO big deal in any one else's world but to me it is a big deal. HUGE. I am starting to eat properly again. Yey.

My afternoon was then a reflexology treatment in the snug as a bug room, and then moved myself onto the spare bed for some afternoon nap time.

I am learning that saying yes to help is sometimes a very good thing.

Snug as a Bug

I have had a very restless night. There have been digestive problems that don't need any more said about them. But also a general restlessness which tends to kick in around this time in my chemo cycle.

It is VERY frustrating. My body clearly needs sleep. It has just undergone a chemical onslaught (again.) And my cell counts will be hitting their low so really what I didn't need was to spend last night in between the bathroom and tossing and turning all night in bed.

Some very good friends of ours renamed their spare room the "snug as a bug" room. And after a couple of hours of this frustration last night, this is where I relocated myself too. My Jonny was none the wiser, fast asleep (snoring,) and no point us both suffering this. Besides which makes me feel even worse about the whole thing if he is even more tired than usual for his stupid o'clock early starts.

Our "snug as a bug" room got redecorated a few months ago. We sometimes think of it as the unnecessary part of the house. Up in the loft conversion and only really used when people come to stay and for storage. However in recent months there have been various illness reasons (understatement?!) which mean being banished to the "snug as a bug" room have been necessary.

It's all in the name you see. Call it the spare room and you feel like a spare part. Call it "snug as a bug," and it feels almost like a treat. Today I am off to spend time in my friends "snug as a bug" room just for a change of scene. I am not going there to be spare or invalid you see, but to be snug.

Grateful List

So I have been hanging out in chemo land for a few days now. There are somethings that I am very grateful for:

• Robinson's Peach Squash. It is not as acidic. I have been able to drink it. Yey.
• Gnocchi. Those potato nuggets meant I could diverge from toast and cornflakes.
• Cadbury's Chocolate Buttons. I know we aren't supposed to buy Cadbury's any more now it has gone yank, but I am allowed concession's in my state. And mid afternoon that little bit of chocolate has kept me on.
• Ann and her anti sickness drugs. Upped and upped. Nausea still present but not been sick once. This helped massively with hydration.
• It is the Tuesday after the Thursday before and I made it out of the house this morning. First time out in under a week post chemo. Even to lay on my mat in my class... paid for it later with an afternoon in bed but was worth it to get out.
• Food deliveries tastic for Jonny. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
• Jon calling me from work yesterday to suggest a 3 day spa weekend over the Easter weekend. And then coming home and booking the entire thing. The rest and change of scene for both of us is much needed.
• Love.

So it is no laugh a minute, not by a long shot, but it has been better than last time. And the not so nice stuff is private and not for blog world.

So I will sit here and dream of my Easter mini break. I'm sure Bridget has a great line on that one. But my chemo brain can't remember what it is.

Sleepy Head

I have spent most of today asleep. Can't really remember anything else or what I did yesterday.

We have had lots of nursing support which has been great. Had no idea it was available. But have had two phone calls from the community matrons today as well as the visit from the my hospice nurse, I mean Ann, yesterday. So having felt very lost at weekends and generally a few weeks ago, we do feel a lot more supported. And we are very grateful.

In my waking hours this evening I am alarmed by the amount of rugby on the TV. I have done well over the years to learn about football I think. But rugby I struggle. I know that won't be a popular call but just the way I am.

How long until Wimbledon is on until I can get my own back?

Back for more

Yesterday I was back for my ten hour stint of infusions in the chemo ward. Joy upon joy. Usual drill of my seat in the corner. Usual faff of entering my veins and port. Usual doesn't mean I am ok with it. It is still a horrid thing to go through. That's the kind of thing people like to comfort themselves with. That I am used to it all by now. Yeah right. For the record you don't "get used to cancer." You just get on with it the best you can because you have no choice.

People often ask me what I do the pass the time. Which is one of those questions that people who have never been through this would obviously ask. But this isn't like just sitting there nursing a broken leg or something. I feel progressively more ill the more chemicals enter my bloodstream, so reading a book or whatever, really isn't what I feel I can do. I knit a little. I sleep a bit. I flick at a few pictures in magazines. I took my new laptop with me yestaday so wrote a little in the morning when I could.

Jonny has been in the far east all week with work, although thankfully landed very early this morning. So my Mum stayed over with me last night. Within half an hour of being home there was a ring at the doorbell and a delivery of a hot homemade casserole and freshly baked scones. How grateful we are for accepting support and help.

Some parts of my experiences are private and complex. But there have been various changes to my medications and because I have had such rough time, a considerable increase in the list and type. Ann the (hospice) nurse came today to help me with all of that side of things and I am feeling more in control.

Maybe. Just maybe this time won't be so bad. I smile. It is nearly 4pm and I am still in my PJ's. I've only just realised with my chemo brain. Hmm. Maybe things won't be that good either. But any improvement I will take. Just don't mention n.a.u.s.e.a.

Kew Gardens

I went to Kew Gardens earlier in the week with a couple of friends hopeful of seeing daffodils. Still no joy there. A few were threatening to come out but not quite yet. My ones in the garden are starting to bud a little bit but still very slow.

I don't know why I am so eager to see daffodils right now. I think they make me think the winter is ending and the summer will be here soon. And that is what I need to feel right now. Not only emotionally, but also I just really want to slip my feet into flip flops and go and get a pedicure and get some sun in.

Our Easter plans for a mini break seem to have diminished. To get heat is too far, and I am not really up to getting on a plane right now anyway. UK is tricky with cold weather and inflated Easter prices. It maybe a staycation after all. Which I am fine with as long as the playstation doesn't get much use and we get to get out and do stuff. I will be planning an Jo style itinerary if that is the case.

Reflexology

Having spent the day feeling rather rubbish due to the adverse reaction to the sleep aid (or rather aid to NO sleep in my case) I am feeling much better. I have just had some reflexology locally. I loved it.

I have written before about my lovely friend who has given me lots of reflexology over the past few years. She has a 3 month old little boy now so finding time to massage my feet is not easy. Although we may find a way yet.

I have no idea why reflexology works. All I can say is I felt like a different person after an hour of foot treatment this evening. My headache had cleared. I felt more balanced. And like I had experienced some really deep relaxation. I have already booked to go again in a couple of weeks time after my next chemotherapy. It's all about finding the things that help right now. And, in my case, reflexology is certainly one of them.

Annoying

As part of my discussions at the hospital yesterday one of the things we talked about was getting me as well as possible ahead of my re entry into chemo land on later in the week. We talked about my ongoing insomnia problem. I don't like taking sleeping tablets or "sleep aids" as they are sometimes politely called. But I could see the logic in trying to get a couple of good nights sleep in. So agreed to a short term plan for a couple of nights.

However I did not react well to whatever I took last night. It took forever to get off to sleep. Woke several times in the night. And has caused all sorts of digestive problems. I made it to my class this morning just about, but couldn't do everything. And needed to come promptly home afterwards.

How annoying. I don't need to be feeling ill 2 days before I am about to be feeling bloomin awful anyway. I won't be taking any more of that sleep aid. In my case it has been more of a "make you feel rubbish aid." Genius.

Ugly Betty Box Set

This series completely passed me by the first time it was on. But glad to have just finished the very entertaining box set of series 1. Not really what I was expecting. In that you really like Betty. Or at least I did.

I keep hearing very good things about Glee. It is on at 9pm on E4 tonight. I have missed the first few episodes but will be watching. In bed.