So, now, I have to write the post I never wanted to write. My beautiful wife passed away peacefully surrounded by family on 4 May 2010 at just 32 years old. I miss her more than I could ever say and I will love her forever but her blog is a source of great comfort. I can hear her saying the words and they trigger so many of my happy memories of her.
Although Jo never really publicised the blog particularly widely, I hope others also continue to find joy in her thoughts and recipes but above all her kindness, which shines through.
I think the best way to end the blog, as suggested by Jo's friend, Lucy, is to post the tribute that her friend Kate gave at the Thanksgiving service for Jo's life.
With love,
Jonny
Tribute to Jo by Kate Patterson, 17 May 2010
I am aware that I cannot begin to do justice to all the memories of Jo and all the love for Jo represented here and across the world by others who can’t be here. She was too special to be summed up by these few words. This tribute is given with deep thankfulness for her life.
Jo only lived 32 years but she made a huge impact for quite a small person. Although as some of you may have heard, she always insisted she was quite tall. We did try to correct this misunderstanding but she would have none of it!
The great impact Jo made was one of love and friendship but I don’t think she realised just how special she was to so many people.
Person after person has spoken to me about Jo’s generous and selfless nature. She genuinely loved to share. I remember going with her to Marble Hill Park and sharing a main course and a cake; afterwards she wrote in her blog, "My friend asked me what kind of things I like to do. I said "things like this." Share life. Share living. Share cake.”
Which brings me on to cake….. an important part of Jo’s life! Jo was a fantastic cook and loved to bake; it was Jo’s plan that we would have cupcakes after the service. She was the cupcake queen. In fact, Gen, who has organized all the cupcakes, told me that her friendship with Jo began and was cemented by the gift of a cake. When her friend Ali had her first baby, Jo organized a baby shower, made beautiful invitations and of course cupcakes.
I pick up from Jon that Jo was the organizer of the household – she was amazingly efficient. In September, Jo took on organizing all the food at our church alpha course, catering for over 70 people on the first night. She wanted newcomers to experience the welcome she had received. For one of the nights, she cooked 180 sausages!
Jo wrote this, “cooking is a way I express my love for those I care about. I love to cook Jonny things he enjoys after a long day at work, or bake cakes for people I care about …… This is a way I express my desire to nourish and support those who surround me.”
She made a cake with love for her niece Maisie’s second birthday. It was a great sadness to Jo that she couldn’t have children but being Jo, she responded by reaching out not shutting off. Jo described Maisie as one of the joys of her life and she adored looking after Maisie and little Hannah.
She was caring without being remotely sanctimonious. In her blog, she writes, “I popped over to see one of my lovely friends yesterday morning. She has a seven week old baby boy and has been struggling with lack of sleep……..So I’ve been pondering all week how best to help her and be supportive”. Typical Jo! What she did was to make soup and give a hug.
There are some great recipes on her blog – though I would love to meet anyone who has had the courage to try Jo’s recipe for sprout smoothie!
Jo was definitely adventurous. She loved to travel and if you haven’t seen her photos of the great whale watching trip, you might want to check out her blog. In fact all her photos are superb. I remember looking at them and thinking is there anything this girl can’t put her hand to? Qualified accountant, well-read, grade 8 piano, great cook, impeccably dressed….. but as her friend and sister Sarah said, none of that mattered to Jo compared to the importance of relationships.
Jo was fun, wasn’t she? She was good at teasing and being teased. She could give it - as she did in my birthday present of a mug which said “domestic goddess in disguise”! She could also take it. Jon used to tease her about her occasional tendency to mix up her words like when they were travelling and she looked out to sea and said, “Look at all those uninhibited islands”.
Jo was always good for a bit of retail therapy and liked the sales because you could focus on what you’d saved rather than what you’d spent. She was our fashion guru. Gerry tells me that she called Jo in to help her pare down her wardrobe. Jo patiently went through everything and when Gerry was reluctant to be ruthless, she simply told her, “Well I couldn’t speak to you at church on Sunday if you wore that!” They laughed a lot as they sorted through Gerry’s clothes and Gerry can now close the doors of her wardrobe.
I know one of Jo’s highlights of this year was the fairytale night at London Fashion week with Lucy where she met HRH Camilla. I hope Camilla knew how honoured she was to shake hands with our Jo. She was also thrilled to meet Rupert Everett who she described as having enormous nostrils!
Jo was beautiful, her shiny dark hair, her gorgeous scarves, her lovely smile and of course, her recent discovery of eyelash extensions!
Jo never felt she was brave but we thought she was. She could so easily have curled up in a corner in the last few years but instead she determinedly looked outwards and upwards. She enjoyed doing her Pilates and set out to learn to be a Pilates teacher. She used me as a guinea pig in January; I am taller for being stretched by Jo!
Jo was determined. We used to joke that although she was very gentle, she was also feisty.
She wrote, “Those who know me, know I do have a determined streak at times.” It was a determination that kicked in with the battle with cancer. She said this, “I refuse to be defined by it. I am so much more than this wretched disease” – and she was. She didn’t allow the fear of dying to stop the joy of living.
Jo had great faith. She believed God was bigger and trusted his love to carry her through the most difficult of times. She quoted this poem on her blog which her mum sent her:
"What cancer cannot do:
It cannot cripple Love
It cannot shatter Hope
It cannot corrode Faith
It cannot destroy Peace
It cannot suppress Memories
It cannot silence Courage
It cannot invade the Soul
It cannot steal Eternal Life
It cannot conquer the Spirit"
Jo’s faith was immensely encouraging to us but she never thought she was anything special. She really disliked it when people called her amazing; she was so honest about her fears and her grief and just felt she was trying to make the best of a tough hand in life. I loved this quote on her blog - "This is what I am - Just Jo. Nothing amazing. But here, loved by her family and friends. And Jo just wants to love back."
She did love us back in true Jo fashion.
It was that love and faith that marked out how Jo handled the suffering she encountered. Jo felt the tough stuff acutely but she had the gift of gratitude. She so appreciated her family and the way her mum cared for her. She was grateful for her friends: “… I have some really lovely friends. I know I didn't need to get cancer to tell me that, but to feel the strength of their support is something really quite wonderful.”
Her love for her Jonny was her great enduring joy. She wrote on Valentines Day, “Life may have dealt me some very tough cards, but not when it comes to finding the one.” She even became a genuine Manchester United supporter for Jonny!
Some people can be generous in a way that makes you feel you owe them. Jo never did that I.O.U. thing, she wanted to love us back. That made Jo an Olympic gold medallist at friendship.
One friend wrote this: "It is rare to find a friend you can confide everything in, a friend who really shares your joys and your burdens, celebrates with you and weeps with you and Jo was such a friend."
Another said this: "Knowing her has changed my life more than anyone else ever did. She probably was never aware of how much God used her to teach me. She was a true and honest friend and I feel so blessed to have known her."
And another: "For me it was the greatest privilege to have known her and to have been part of her life. "
And another: "I loved EVERY moment of our friendship, what a privilege to have been Jo's friend, she truly was a gift from God."
Her huge capacity for love and friendship made so many people feel special. It’s why this church is so full today.
All of us who knew Jo know that one of her biggest struggles with cancer was that she wanted to spare us and especially Jonny and her family the pain of grief. Sometimes she would say it was better we had never known her. But I believe that she has enriched our lives in ways that death can’t ever destroy.
Jo wrote this in her blog: "I believe most of us yearn to belong, wherever we are in life. For me, heartbreakingly, doors have been closed. But that is not to say I don't belong anywhere. There are special people and places and moments where I totally do. Not defined by illness or labels or what I look like or whatever. A level beyond any of those temporary things that seek to destroy my human spirit."
Jo grasped that love is eternal and found a deep reassurance in the knowledge that she belonged to God. There is a song she loved by Kathryn Scott called “I belong” which the band are going to sing. These are the words:
"Not angels, nor demons, no power on earth or heaven
Not distance, nor danger, no trouble now or ever
Nothing can take me from your great love
Forever this truth remains – I belong to you
Not hardship, nor hunger, no pain or depth of sorrow
Not weakness, nor failure, no broken dream or promise
Nothing can take me from your great love
Forever this truth remains-I belong to you"
Jo found these words immensely comforting and I believe she would want us to know that same comfort today.
We are deeply grateful to have had Jo in our lives.
Our time with the family on the Monday was lovely. It was great to see everyone and to see our nephews getting on so well. I think the activity books we chose were a hit too. As Jonny had work to do in Manchester on the Tuesday my sister in law introduced me to the Trafford Centre. Oh and a stop at her favourite local boutique, where I may have purchased a top...
3 weeks ago
