Down South

We are back home now after our Christmas travels. We made a speedy return home, despite weather warnings. Just as well it was speedy. I developed a migraine quite quickly into our journey and didn't feel very well at all. A large dose of cocodemel and some shut eye meant I actually slept most of the way home. Jonny has a cold but was still very kind and drove us all the way.

We are currently collapsed on the sofa. I think there is something wrong with our TV. It seems to permanently be showing episodes of Top Gear. Anyway, after a couple of hours of rest, the show will go on. I will perk myself up and put on a pretty frock and make it round the corner to lovely Sally's house for New Year celebrations.

We had a nice couple of days up north. We went over to Manchester yesterday for Jonny to go to the match and see Kate and Tim and nephews Freddie and Flynn. They are all well. The boys were busy with their toys. Freddie is very good at reading. Flynn is very good at playing with/destroying his farm. When they were all tucked up in bed and the bigger boys, Jonny and Tim, were at the match, us girls had a nice dinner and then watched the Turning of the Screw on TV with a glass of wine. I am wondering if the white wine and chocolate combo may have triggered this nasty head thing today, as it has before. Must remember that.

I haven't got much further with my New Years resolution list. I think I should drink more water. And focus what is going on in my life that is positive rather than what isn't. It's a fine balance though. I think I also have to acknowledge what I am grieving for. The loss I live with daily. To ignore it is unhelpful. Being positive in my book is not to dismiss or ignore what is going on, or what is lost.

This morning I was prompted to think of good things that have happened in 2009:

• Great holidays: Baja, Tuscany, Jordan, Vancouver Island, Barcelona and Jerusalem. Yes - all great trips indeed for which I am very grateful
• New friendships
• My church has been a great support and blessing to me
• Faithfulness of lasting friendships, who acknowledge the elephant, but still see me as me.
• Family fun - celebrating birthdays etc or just time together
• Started my course - after much deliberation, which has been a positive thing for me to do
• Jonny still has a job despite a volatile situation in the city
• United won the league

I know there are more things I could add to this list.

I also know this is only part of the story. Sometimes I feel people just see what they want to see. It is too hard to see what else is going on, so we just see these things that I have done. Yes I do some great things. I have some great people in my life. I also have this bloomin elephant. And a heart that has much loss and pain in it. There is such a mesh of emotions. And like others dealt tough cards in life, I just get on with it the best I can.

And the best I can do for tonight is have a nice long bath, put on my make up and a smile and go and enjoy seeing in the New Year with my Jonny by my side, in my lovely friends home, a glass of champagne in my hand and faith in my heart.

Happy New Year.