So a week ago all I could eat was toast and ice cubes. I could hardly hold a conversation let alone leave the house. Which made a simple day today SO nice.
My friend Lynds drove down to see me. Her parents took care of her two little girls so she could come, which I was so grateful for. She arrived with homemade soup for the freezer and an enormous homemade cake with chocolate buttons all over it. Her inner domestic goddess that has been hiding out all these years clearly emerged.
We head to Pizza Express for lunch. Nothing fancy. But just SO nice to sit and talk and be out. We talk about loads of stuff. How I am. About how I need to let people help me. Community. Friends.
Then she holds my hand. And asks me to be her little girl's godmother. The tears start rolling now for both of us. But what about... and I may not... and we don't know... She says she knows. She just knows. But would have asked me if there was no elephant and it wasn't going to stop her asking because of it.
We cry a little more. I share my heart. And then say I would love to.
Pizza Express is full of kids and noise because it is half term. The waiters must think we are nuts we all this crying and hand holding. But it was special.
We head back for a cuppa and a big piece of cake and she has to leave to drive 3 hours to get back to her girls.
It's amazing how a simple chicken salad and bottle of mineral water with an old friend can become the biggest luxury. And also how the act of asking an old friend to have a special role in your child's life becomes such an emotionally loaded thing when there is an elephant in the room. But it feels like we are in it together. That we are not going to let the elephant trample and get it's trunk in the way of stuff because of what ifs.
I will give little Sophie the best I can as her godmother for as long as I can. And I guess that is all anyone can do. Elephant or not.
3 weeks ago
2 comments:
You'll be a fabulous, magical, wondrous Godmother.
The only danger is that you'll spoil the little girl and feed her up with too many cupcakes.
I was going to complain that I have never been asked to be Godfather by anyone. But Kate was able to remind me that I do actually have a Godson. Which, I suppose, kind of sums up why no-one else thinks I'd be much of a candidate.
Do Godparents still buy silver spoons or is that out of date?
Chicken salad at Pizza Express? Controversial.
Ah thank you John.
I think Tiffany stuff is more the done thing these days but will have to swot up.
Just eaten lots of pancakes hence the salad at lunchtime
xJo
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