Please. Stop telling me I am amazing. I'm not. Believe me.
What is amazing about having this enlarging elephant in my life? What is amazing about being given the only option of taking more treatment, and taking it? Who wouldn't? Who wouldn't at my age want more time with their husband, more time with their family and friends, dare I say - increase their chance of survival?
How I cope? That's not amazing either. That is some experience. More than I would have liked. More than any would choose. But that wasn't my choice either. So that doesn't make me amazing.
All I do is get on with this the best I can. That is all anyone would be able to do right now.
I'm completely unsure what to post on this blog about what is going on and when. How I am actually feeling, physically or emotionally.
What's going on right now? The 02 is packed with people watching Strictly Come Dancing Live - and I should be there. I had tickets. But I am not. I am somewhere else right now.
But still here.
4 days ago
2 comments:
I think you are amazing. Not because of this hideous thing that is happening to you. But because of who you are, which this hideous thing has failed and will always fail fully to mask. I say 'fully' because I think you would be able to show that you were even more amazing if it buggered off and left you alone. Recent examples of aforementioned amazingness include: your cupcakes - how can you taunt me with a stack of carbs and icing that high? your surprising knowledge of 1980s TV themes; your ability to curl your legs up under yourself when you are watching television on the sofa and still manage to look as elegant and poised as the Sphinx when the rest of us end up looking like Rab C Nesbitt.
Incidentally, I passed that exam that I was taking when I came back to see you in December. The next leg is in May. I'd be truly amazed if I passed that! So big big thanks to you and Jonny for letting me stay. And particularly big thanks to you for preventing Jonny from forcing whisky down my throat.
All my love, as ever.
Yeh. So pleased you passed. You are a clever lad/ git (second term od endearance from jonny)
if you get through next bit will make you a mountain of carb and icing too.
Lots of love
jo blogz looking v inelegant right now
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