Little things become Big things

So I have done some nice things this week. Not big things. But nice little things. Cups of tea and chats with friends mainly.

I'm finding doing this really tiring though. Not to the extent that I want to stop doing it. But meet a friend for a couple of hours and I am firmly in need of a nap to get me through the next part of the day. People are telling me I look a little pale. I say this is nothing compared to the week before.

I had a friend and her husband visit earlier in the week. He had had one of the drugs I am on as part of a chemotherapy regime a couple of years ago. And similarly it took him a long time in the cycle to recover. Of the other regimes I have had over the years, this one is certainly taking a long time of still feeling tired. With others I would feel awful for a good few days, but then feel pretty OK in between times.

I know I am tired. I have no interest in cooking whatsoever. Just can't face the effort of it. And this is very unlike me. I want to drive everywhere because I am scared I will get somewhere and be too tired to get back. Usually I like to walk everywhere as much as I can. And I am having to manage very carefully I don't have too many activities in a single day. I am well aware if I do too many then I am going to wipe myself out for a couple of days and then I won't be doing any.

I'm loving the winter Olympics though. And the Ugly Betty box set and radio 4 are keeping me good. These things I can't do in the days after my chemo as I can't even think. Depending on my blood count it will be time to go again at the end of next week. But I know I can keep doing it. I just know I can.

My friends Mum sent me a lovely email yesterday. At the end she had attached this poem:

What cancer cannot do
It cannot cripple Love
It cannot shatter Hope
It cannot corrode Faith
It cannot destroy Peace
It cannot suppress Memories
It cannot silence Courage
It cannot invade the Soul
It cannot steal Eternal Life
It cannot conquer the Spirit