Women's Breakfast

I love the women's breakfast at church. It is usually just once a term, and a time for women to get together, chat, laugh, share and usually we have a speaker.

I went along this morning. My digestive problems have been so hideously bad recently, coupled with my insomnia, that yesterday I didn't think I was going to make it. This would have been a blow having not gone to the Love Maggies afternoon yesterday, which I really wanted to go to, and having to rearrange my course assessment that was meant to be today too. I was feeling like I was going to be bound to the sofa for the rest of my days.

Anyway thanks to advice from my hospice nurse (who is AMAZING and so much help) I managed some sleep last night and this morning was feeling better so did make it.

I guess there are about fifty or so women who usually go along, and the rough age range is from those in their early twenties through to early sixties. I love the fact that no labels apply though. By that I mean it doesn't about your age, career, family circumstances, illness or whatever. It's just a bunch of lovely ladies who get together, have a chit chat over some croissant and fresh coffee and share their lives with each other for a couple of hours on a Saturday morning.

This morning an amazing lady talked about how her faith had helped her to cope with her partial facial paralysis which suddenly hit her 18 months ago. And then a wonderful hilarious guest speaker used the analogy of clothes to talk about how we try to fit and clothe ourselves in what doesn't always fit - and how our faith challenges and frees us from that. I laughed a lot and caught up with friends. A very different place from the sobbing mess I was in yesterday evening.

Now home armed with a strategy to try and sort out my digestion. I am still on full anti sickness medications nine days post chemo. This is not great. I tried stopping them yesterday and it was something of a disaster. I am treating myself like a child. I have made myself a sandwich. Cut it into quarters and will be eating ONE quarter PER hour this afternoon and no more. That is how bad things have become that I am having to ration myself small portions of food so I don't get some hideous reaction.

In the dark moments of yesterday evening it occurred to me that it really isn't any wonder I feel so ill. I haven't been able to digest a proper meal in over a week. Even though I am exhausted I can't sleep because of my insomnia. I am in all likelihood very anaemic right now. And my white cell count will be at the lowest in the cycle meaning I have very little immunity. So I decided to give myself a break. Put all that together, along with the bloomin nasties in my body, and it is no surprise I have been feeling so shocking.

It's no fun. So I am very grateful those lovely girls had me smiling and laughing this morning. Now time for some TV in bed. I am just going to be very kind to myself right now because that is what I need.

Annoying

As part of my discussions at the hospital yesterday one of the things we talked about was getting me as well as possible ahead of my re entry into chemo land on later in the week. We talked about my ongoing insomnia problem. I don't like taking sleeping tablets or "sleep aids" as they are sometimes politely called. But I could see the logic in trying to get a couple of good nights sleep in. So agreed to a short term plan for a couple of nights.

However I did not react well to whatever I took last night. It took forever to get off to sleep. Woke several times in the night. And has caused all sorts of digestive problems. I made it to my class this morning just about, but couldn't do everything. And needed to come promptly home afterwards.

How annoying. I don't need to be feeling ill 2 days before I am about to be feeling bloomin awful anyway. I won't be taking any more of that sleep aid. In my case it has been more of a "make you feel rubbish aid." Genius.

Doing and being

After a week of horridness in chemo land, I have had a couple of days this weekend of feeling relatively "normal," whatever that is. Sure I have still felt tired but I haven't felt nauseous and this is a first in weeks.

Yesterday I helped my friend who was running a stretching workshop. She was very much leading, but it felt so good to be in my tracksuit, setting out the mats, hosting and helping. This is something I really enjoy doing. This has nothing do with the elephant. I just like it. So for a few hours I felt out and about and not chained by the thing that is constantly trying to hold me back.

I felt tired afterwards so we ditched our evening dinner plans. And we didn't make it out for lunch today either. I was rather taken over by the novelty of being able to eat and not having to sit on the sofa, so had planned a weekend of eating out. But in reality this body is still tired. Having got out yesterday, and had a lovely walk in Richmond Park this morning, staying home for meals felt like the right thing to do. When I walked across one section of the park I was struck by the sense I was in a field. And the sun was shining too.

Am really hoping the lack of nausea right now means things with my insides are improving. I just don't know. I know I can endure more chemo, and all that that entails, but getting it to have the impact I and so many desire is not in our hands. I just have to trust and hope and pray.

As a complete aside my friend has been posting on her blog a few extracts from my blog along with my wig story which is quite amusing. I met Janet Ellis at the Anna Valentine Fashion Show and she has been in touch about someone who is very good at wig cutting. I still have my hair and hoping to keep it that way. BUT it turns out the hairdresser is Mr Trevor Sorbie. So if it comes off (not literally I hope) I will be blogging about that one and have to model the new "do" occasionally, even if I keep my hair underneath ... just because it is cut by him.

Still Stretching

I woke this morning and felt ok so decided to go along to my course. I am well aware that to many I maybe should be firmly on the sofa. But believe me - I have done nothing else. I have a very nice sofa but I am SO fed up of being on it. I wanted a change of scene. And I am still Jo. And this course is one of the things I am doing in my life right now.

There is only this weekend and one day next weekend of the course left, and I have come so far with it, it would seem such a shame not to see it through. I really enjoy doing this. Besides, I quite frankly really don't see why I shouldn't continue with it.

I spoke to the teacher yesterday and filled her in on the hideous situation with the elephant right now. I was a little worried about the practical side of things today. I was a little shaky before I left and told Jon I may well be home in half an hour. But once I was there, I was ok. And when we got to the practical session the teacher lead us through a relaxation rather than any deep stretching. And it was just what my body and my spirit needed.

More than one person has commented on my feisty spirit in the past week. Maybe that is what got me in my tracksuit and into the studio today. I don't know what it was. I don't really care. I know it is crazy that for a week I could hardly move and on my Saturday I went to a day learning about health and exercise.

But I also know that despite everything this body is going through, quite a lot of it still works. And for as long as I can I'm going to keep using it. And stretching it too.

Muscle Stabilising

I have learnt a lot about deep muscle stretching so far. Today I spent the day learning about deep muscle stabilising. A lot of it was similar to some of the pilates techniques, but with a slightly different focus. You see our muscles need to be strong AND flexible.

There is much stress on the course at the moment about assessments and demonstrations. I care and I want to do well. But with bigger "assessments" to face in the next few days or so, it kind of puts a new perspective on things.

Still a lot to learn and can't remember much of what we have been told it seems.

Strengthen. Stretch. Breathe.

Nice morning

I had a nice morning today. I could walk into Richmond as there was no snow, so that made things much better for a start. I met a friend for a coffee and could really share my heart with her. The good stuff and not so good stuff. And sat in a very nice posh deli too. I nearly took a picture of all the fancy jars and olives but thought the lady running it would think me a bit odd. I mean I know I AM a bit odd. But didn't want her to know that at the time.

Then onto week 2 of stretch project, which is going really well. Home for a rest and a catch up on a couple of phone calls that were well overdue.

Really simple day really. But I will take that today. Sometimes simple and uncomplicated is best.

Course weekend

I spent most of this weekend at the studio studying for my course. Things are coming together. As I posted on Saturday we have now covered all our anatomy stuff, I now just need to get it into my brain. I get all the principles, it's just learning all the muscle names I find hard.

Yesterday we all had to present our sample sessions. This was take 2 for me as I had done this before Christmas. There was some confusion about what the expectation was but it all came together in the end and we all got through it ok I think.

This week I will have to be doing quite a lot of my course work as I have to write my first diploma session - i.e my own class - for submission and presentation next weekend. I am also into week 2 of working with my volunteer on her 30 day stretch.

The timing of getting busy with this is all quite apt as I have elephant stuff looming and I need to keep busy and not think about it too much. Obviously I am carrying around a lot of anxiety with me right now, but if I can focus on the work I need to do then this should hopefully help.

Aside from a weekend of course related stuff, and popping to church yesterday evening, we have been VERY much enjoying the "Life" dvd box set in this house. Jonny got it for Christmas. We are totally hooked. It's so good I may have to write a separate post about it at some point. Damian Lewis is fantastic. Thanks for that one Ma.

Anatomy lesson - Take 3

I am just back from a days anatomy lesson. That's it apparently. Anatomy done. I still have lots of studying to do at home but I do know a lot more than I did a few weeks ago.

Today we spent a lot of time looking at postural alignment and common complaints. We used each others postures to analyse and learn from.

People often tell me I have a good posture. In reality hardly anyone does though. I have a deep lumber spine, a flat neck and upper spine. I need to stretch my hip flexors and work more on my obliques. Even getting into the right posture relieved instantly my lower back strain. Immediate results. Love it.

I had a good day in the studio today. It is a great place to go and where the elephant isn't. I had a quick chat with the studio leader about various elephant tests that are on the horizon. Felt good to get everything out in the open with her, but no one else needs to know anymore. I get to just be Jo.

I hope tomorrow is a good day. Sample session assessments and all three of us seem to have different ideas about what the expectation is. Have a feeling that may not go so well as right at the end of a long day of teaching.

Stretch project - end of week 1

So. My willing volunteer has had three one-hour sessions of exercises with me this week, and also done her homework. Gold stars all round.

It was very rewarding yesterday afternoon to such an improvement in just a few days. She is getting more confident with the stretches, and also managing to stretch further. She keeps thanking me for helping her. She is the one actually helping me.

In three weeks time she will hopefully be bendy-tastic.

30 day Stretch

I started stretching out the first of my willing volunteers for my course project today. There are a couple of others who are also going to be helping me with my studies too. But I am taking them through the programme one at a time.

I dithered for a little while about what to do my study on. There were really no restrictions. I thought, briefly, about doing something elephant related. What to do post surgery. How to keep supple during treatment. And these would all be worthwhile and helpful things to do. But maybe they are for the future. Right now my course is proving to be a good distraction from anything elephant related, and seeing as it has stomped all over enough of my life, I felt I wanted to keep this as unrelated as possible for now.

Nutrition was another option. I am interested in this. And people often ask about nutrition when undergoing any sort of exercise programme. I discussed this at the studio though, and whilst very interesting, it would be hard to measure results and link directly to the stretch programme I am studying.

So. In the end I settled on taking a couple of willing volunteers through the 30 day Stretch programme. This is quite a commitment for all involved. I meet with my study specimens ideally 3 times a week. And they have to do homework when I am not there.

My first helper is Kate. Measured and photographed pre programme, over the next 30 days I will be helping her to become more flexible and elongate her muscles. This should help improve posture, energy and overall balance in the body.

Stretching like this if you are not used to it can take a bit of getting used to. It can also involve a bit of nice pain. I say nice because it isn't an acute pain, more of a gentle pain that lets you know you are stretching out where you should be.

It's great for me to get out and do this. To feel like I am helping someone with their body and feel like I am using mine positively. And for an hour or so, it isn't about how I am feeling or how my body is. I feel like I am giving to someone else. Using something I have learnt, that I genuinely believe in the benefits of, for positive use. There still seems loads for me to learn though. Those anatomy books haven't been looked at for a few weeks. Best get back to those tomorrow.