Doing and being

After a week of horridness in chemo land, I have had a couple of days this weekend of feeling relatively "normal," whatever that is. Sure I have still felt tired but I haven't felt nauseous and this is a first in weeks.

Yesterday I helped my friend who was running a stretching workshop. She was very much leading, but it felt so good to be in my tracksuit, setting out the mats, hosting and helping. This is something I really enjoy doing. This has nothing do with the elephant. I just like it. So for a few hours I felt out and about and not chained by the thing that is constantly trying to hold me back.

I felt tired afterwards so we ditched our evening dinner plans. And we didn't make it out for lunch today either. I was rather taken over by the novelty of being able to eat and not having to sit on the sofa, so had planned a weekend of eating out. But in reality this body is still tired. Having got out yesterday, and had a lovely walk in Richmond Park this morning, staying home for meals felt like the right thing to do. When I walked across one section of the park I was struck by the sense I was in a field. And the sun was shining too.

Am really hoping the lack of nausea right now means things with my insides are improving. I just don't know. I know I can endure more chemo, and all that that entails, but getting it to have the impact I and so many desire is not in our hands. I just have to trust and hope and pray.

As a complete aside my friend has been posting on her blog a few extracts from my blog along with my wig story which is quite amusing. I met Janet Ellis at the Anna Valentine Fashion Show and she has been in touch about someone who is very good at wig cutting. I still have my hair and hoping to keep it that way. BUT it turns out the hairdresser is Mr Trevor Sorbie. So if it comes off (not literally I hope) I will be blogging about that one and have to model the new "do" occasionally, even if I keep my hair underneath ... just because it is cut by him.