Back for more

Yesterday I was back for my ten hour stint of infusions in the chemo ward. Joy upon joy. Usual drill of my seat in the corner. Usual faff of entering my veins and port. Usual doesn't mean I am ok with it. It is still a horrid thing to go through. That's the kind of thing people like to comfort themselves with. That I am used to it all by now. Yeah right. For the record you don't "get used to cancer." You just get on with it the best you can because you have no choice.

People often ask me what I do the pass the time. Which is one of those questions that people who have never been through this would obviously ask. But this isn't like just sitting there nursing a broken leg or something. I feel progressively more ill the more chemicals enter my bloodstream, so reading a book or whatever, really isn't what I feel I can do. I knit a little. I sleep a bit. I flick at a few pictures in magazines. I took my new laptop with me yestaday so wrote a little in the morning when I could.

Jonny has been in the far east all week with work, although thankfully landed very early this morning. So my Mum stayed over with me last night. Within half an hour of being home there was a ring at the doorbell and a delivery of a hot homemade casserole and freshly baked scones. How grateful we are for accepting support and help.

Some parts of my experiences are private and complex. But there have been various changes to my medications and because I have had such rough time, a considerable increase in the list and type. Ann the (hospice) nurse came today to help me with all of that side of things and I am feeling more in control.

Maybe. Just maybe this time won't be so bad. I smile. It is nearly 4pm and I am still in my PJ's. I've only just realised with my chemo brain. Hmm. Maybe things won't be that good either. But any improvement I will take. Just don't mention n.a.u.s.e.a.