Jazz Night

I had a night out last night. I can count the nights out I have had this year on one hand. So it was all quite exciting.

I went to a jazz night at the Bedford in Balham with a couple of friends. Now I am not really one to listen to jazz much at home. But live it is amazing. My friends friend had organised the event, so we had reserved seats right at the front. The pianist was incredible. Such talent. And the vocalists pretty awesome too. The lead vocalist was Liz Cole. You should check out her stuff:

http://www.myspace.com/lizcolemusic

It was great to be out and doing something "normal," whatever that is. And also brought back a few memories. As Jonny and I went on one of our very early dates years ago to a comedy night at the Bedford.

I was in a good mood last night anyway. I have confused the hospital in a good way as my red cell count has gone up rather than down, so no need for a blood transfusion right now after all. They can't really work it out. But no complaints from me.

Sleep Please

I am getting so fed up with my sleep problems. And getting fed up with them probably doesn't help.

I don't think I helped myself yesterday. I had an unscheduled trip to the hospital in the morning to try and sort my anaemia problems out. And then a GP appointment mid afternoon. This meant I didn't get my afternoon rest until 5 ish. I fell promptly fast asleep until gone 7. And this probably didn't help me try to get off for a good nights sleep a couple of hours later.

But this problem has been going on far longer than one night.

For those who have never encountered insomnia I can only imagine it sounds ridiculous. If you are tired, surely the body will just go to sleep for some rest. But that is the whole point. With insomnia the switching into sleep mode just doesn't happen. This leads to over tiredness in the night which makes the problem even worse.

I have some reflexology booked for later on today. That seemed to help massively last week so here's hoping it does the trick for me again tonight. That and a soak in some lovely bath oil my friend dropped round yesterday.

Not only am I totally fed up with my sleep problems. I am also thoroughly bored with going on about them.

The GP I saw yesterday described my whole situation as a "bugger." I was rather taken a back. But couldn't help finding myself agreeing with him. Quite frankly it is.

Cheats Easter Simnal Cake

I haven't posted any recipes in ages. This is a cheats version based on one that Nigella does for the traditional Easter simnal cake. I just do it this way and it is super easy. If you are a marzipan lover this cake is divine.

For those who don't know, it has 11 balls on the top. One for each apostle. Apart from Judas who isn't allowed on the cake.

Ingredients:

175g butter or margarine
100g golden granulated sugar
75g white granulated sugar
230g white self raising flour
3 large organic eggs
500g good quality mixed dried fruit
Dash of milk
75g glace cherries - sliced
Pinch ground Cinnamon
Pinch ground ginger
Pinch All Spice
Approx 750g shop bought golden marzipan
Couple of tablespoons of apricot jam

Method:

Preheat oven to 160

Grease and line a deep spring form baking tin.

In the food mixer blitz the butter, eggs and sugar until smooth. Add the flour, milk and spices and blitz. Stir in the dried fruit.

Roll out about 400g marzipan and cut out a layer of marzipan to go in middle of cake. Put half the mixture in the tin. Put in the marzipan layer. Top with remaining cake mixture.

Place in oven for approx two hours. It is done when it is risen and a skewer test is clear. Leave overnight in tin to cool completely.

The next day remove from tin and remove all the lining paper.

Roll out another marzipan circle. Also roll 11 little apostle balls. Melt some apricot jam and smooth over top of cake. Place your cut circle on top. Fix your apostle balls with either a little of the jam left in the pan or some egg white.

Done. Even if you don't like marzipan it is a great centrepiece to have around over the Easter weekend. I'm not sure ours will last that long.

Glazed Painted Cupcake

Here is my finished glazed cupcake that I had much fun with a couple of weeks ago when I went pottery painting:

I am really pleased with it. And you can keep things inside too. Maybe a cupcake I can eat..

Women's Breakfast

I love the women's breakfast at church. It is usually just once a term, and a time for women to get together, chat, laugh, share and usually we have a speaker.

I went along this morning. My digestive problems have been so hideously bad recently, coupled with my insomnia, that yesterday I didn't think I was going to make it. This would have been a blow having not gone to the Love Maggies afternoon yesterday, which I really wanted to go to, and having to rearrange my course assessment that was meant to be today too. I was feeling like I was going to be bound to the sofa for the rest of my days.

Anyway thanks to advice from my hospice nurse (who is AMAZING and so much help) I managed some sleep last night and this morning was feeling better so did make it.

I guess there are about fifty or so women who usually go along, and the rough age range is from those in their early twenties through to early sixties. I love the fact that no labels apply though. By that I mean it doesn't about your age, career, family circumstances, illness or whatever. It's just a bunch of lovely ladies who get together, have a chit chat over some croissant and fresh coffee and share their lives with each other for a couple of hours on a Saturday morning.

This morning an amazing lady talked about how her faith had helped her to cope with her partial facial paralysis which suddenly hit her 18 months ago. And then a wonderful hilarious guest speaker used the analogy of clothes to talk about how we try to fit and clothe ourselves in what doesn't always fit - and how our faith challenges and frees us from that. I laughed a lot and caught up with friends. A very different place from the sobbing mess I was in yesterday evening.

Now home armed with a strategy to try and sort out my digestion. I am still on full anti sickness medications nine days post chemo. This is not great. I tried stopping them yesterday and it was something of a disaster. I am treating myself like a child. I have made myself a sandwich. Cut it into quarters and will be eating ONE quarter PER hour this afternoon and no more. That is how bad things have become that I am having to ration myself small portions of food so I don't get some hideous reaction.

In the dark moments of yesterday evening it occurred to me that it really isn't any wonder I feel so ill. I haven't been able to digest a proper meal in over a week. Even though I am exhausted I can't sleep because of my insomnia. I am in all likelihood very anaemic right now. And my white cell count will be at the lowest in the cycle meaning I have very little immunity. So I decided to give myself a break. Put all that together, along with the bloomin nasties in my body, and it is no surprise I have been feeling so shocking.

It's no fun. So I am very grateful those lovely girls had me smiling and laughing this morning. Now time for some TV in bed. I am just going to be very kind to myself right now because that is what I need.

Sweet things

Thank you for my Easter biscuits that arrived in the post today. So kind.



My tum tum is not well. But that is not going to stop me eating them anyway.

Walk in the Park

So simple. Yet so nice.

Fresh air in Richmond Park first thing this morning. Shared with a very good friend.

The birds were singing for spring. And after a little bit the sunshine did breakthrough.

I was out. Walking. Enjoying. Living.