Down South

We are back home now after our Christmas travels. We made a speedy return home, despite weather warnings. Just as well it was speedy. I developed a migraine quite quickly into our journey and didn't feel very well at all. A large dose of cocodemel and some shut eye meant I actually slept most of the way home. Jonny has a cold but was still very kind and drove us all the way.

We are currently collapsed on the sofa. I think there is something wrong with our TV. It seems to permanently be showing episodes of Top Gear. Anyway, after a couple of hours of rest, the show will go on. I will perk myself up and put on a pretty frock and make it round the corner to lovely Sally's house for New Year celebrations.

We had a nice couple of days up north. We went over to Manchester yesterday for Jonny to go to the match and see Kate and Tim and nephews Freddie and Flynn. They are all well. The boys were busy with their toys. Freddie is very good at reading. Flynn is very good at playing with/destroying his farm. When they were all tucked up in bed and the bigger boys, Jonny and Tim, were at the match, us girls had a nice dinner and then watched the Turning of the Screw on TV with a glass of wine. I am wondering if the white wine and chocolate combo may have triggered this nasty head thing today, as it has before. Must remember that.

I haven't got much further with my New Years resolution list. I think I should drink more water. And focus what is going on in my life that is positive rather than what isn't. It's a fine balance though. I think I also have to acknowledge what I am grieving for. The loss I live with daily. To ignore it is unhelpful. Being positive in my book is not to dismiss or ignore what is going on, or what is lost.

This morning I was prompted to think of good things that have happened in 2009:

• Great holidays: Baja, Tuscany, Jordan, Vancouver Island, Barcelona and Jerusalem. Yes - all great trips indeed for which I am very grateful
• New friendships
• My church has been a great support and blessing to me
• Faithfulness of lasting friendships, who acknowledge the elephant, but still see me as me.
• Family fun - celebrating birthdays etc or just time together
• Started my course - after much deliberation, which has been a positive thing for me to do
• Jonny still has a job despite a volatile situation in the city
• United won the league

I know there are more things I could add to this list.

I also know this is only part of the story. Sometimes I feel people just see what they want to see. It is too hard to see what else is going on, so we just see these things that I have done. Yes I do some great things. I have some great people in my life. I also have this bloomin elephant. And a heart that has much loss and pain in it. There is such a mesh of emotions. And like others dealt tough cards in life, I just get on with it the best I can.

And the best I can do for tonight is have a nice long bath, put on my make up and a smile and go and enjoy seeing in the New Year with my Jonny by my side, in my lovely friends home, a glass of champagne in my hand and faith in my heart.

Happy New Year.

Up North

After a couple of days, flying back from Israel for an overnight pit stop at home, and then a long drive "up North" yesterday, I am now relaxing at my in laws home.

"Up North, " I am well aware, is a general term that silly southerners like myself use to describle anywhere... well...north. I think it can wind people up. There is no intention to I promise. It is my lack of knowledge of Northern England. That, and coming from a family of Londoners.

Anyway, my exact northern location is Utkinton. Which is a village, near the village of Tarporley. Which is, I guess, about 10-15 miles from Chester. From here, on a clear day, you can see out to the Welsh moutains. It really is a beautiful part of the country.

We went for a long walk this morning. It was pretty icey and cold but I was glad to get some fresh air.

I have been reflecting a little on New Years resolutions. It feels a little odd, given the elephant, that I should feel like having New Years resolutions. But time out is always a time to reflect. Despite the elephant, it is still that time of year that you think about those things. And like most of Britain, I am feeling I have eaten too much and so am craving some healthly routine and right now some sort of January detox seems like a good idea.

However, aside from the obvious food related resolutions, this is also a time to reflect on any other changes I want to make. I am trying to work within the boundaries of controlling the controllables - which is something of a joke when the elephant rears its head, and it seems I can control nothing. Still so far:

• Jo rest time between 1-3 each day. If a sleep happens, great. If I just read a book, so be it.
• No sugar. No alchohol (hmm - think of your liver girl)
• More vegetables, fruit etc
• Less carbs in evening
• January - March - need to focus on my course - esp. dissertation.
• Buy new carpets
• Only look at facebook to pick up emails
• Ditch farmville
• Walk more - get back to the park
• Read more of stuff that is helpful to me
• Prioritise in no particular order: family, friendships, faith, fun.
• Investigate new charity money raising stuff
• Sew stuff
• Learn to knit - good for hospital
• Less caffiene

This list is TBC. Qwirkle to be played.

Boxing day on the West Bank - Hebron

After a suitably lazy boxing day morning of tea, toast and lots of ham products for Jonny, we voted for a trip to Hebron. I was slightly concerned by the security phone calls that John had to make before we left, and the news of disturbances in Nablus. But we trust our hosts and the view was that it would be ok to go.

We drive past many settlements on the journey, which are widespread on the Countryside. No green pastures here. Very barren land, some of which has been culivated for farming.

First stop in Hebron is the pottery and glass shops and factory. As Kate and john have a good relationship with the owner, we are very well looked after. Kate bought 1000 glass Christmas balls from him for the consulate Christmas fair. They raised well over £2500 from the sales of them to help those in need in Gaza. It is facinating to watch these men blowing glass and painting their pottery. It is really beautiful stuff.

Next stop is the Old City of Hebron. I maybe should have worn a longer skirt as we attract lots of stares. The area has very vived evidence of Jewish and Muslim clashes over the years. Many windows are broken, areas closed off/down, and wire netting covers many of the walk ways to protect pedestrians from rubbish being thrown at them by children and angry young men on the rooftops. What a broken world this is.

We stop off to buy kafirs from the Palestinian ladies, and beautiful embroidery from those our hosts know and recommend. We hear a little of what their lives are like. Hard.

We stop for a late lunch before heading back to Jerusalem. The afternoon has opened my eyes to poverty, war and kindness. The latter seemed to be surviving, despite the harsh realities of this very troubled land.

Christmas Day

Woke. Ate. Presents. Drunk. Champagne.

Amazing smoked salmon in the garden with mustard and dill.

Lunch is a feast. The huge turkey is fab. As is the homemade Christmas pudding.

Skype parents at home. They are a bit fuzzy on the screen but good to see them. I am blogging in jonnys ear on my ipod touch right now. It is really annoying him.

So. Christmas here today has been much fun. Warm. Well looked after. Just lovely.

Merry Christmas...xx

Midnight mass at St Georges

We ate extremely well yesterday evening. After a quiz that I did in fact WIN due my expert knowledge of bananarama tracks and 1980's tv theme tunes. This is the first time ever that I think I have beaten Jonny at a quiz. Anyway we had a feast. Sanna, who is Finnish, is also here for Christmas. In Finland the big day is Chrismas Eve so we didn't want her to miss out:

We also presented our secret Santa gifts last night. Kate seemed to genuinely like her Star and Bucks tacky mug and olive wood camel:

I was very touched by a beautiful olive leave pendant which represents steadfastness. It moved me. Jonny got a "visit palestine poster." Sanna got a lovely pendant. But John did the best. The revolving lamp is quite possibly the tackiest thing I have ever seen. Hilarious.

Anyway Kate and John and I walked to st Georges, full of pink champagne:

It was a beautiful service. I don't really like "high" but somehow this seemed special. It was the same sermon as earlier by the same Bishop. But the singing was amazing. Helped massively by the presence of Clare College Cambridge choir in the congregation. Silent night by candlelight has never felt so Christmassy. This is the candle for my BBBs.

I think today is going to be all about the food. The turkey is huge. So huge it literally fills the oven:

There are so many things about living in the UK that we take for granted. Like Waitrose. Kate had to order this turkey from the only Christian butchers in Bethlehem. And a whole load of Christmas food in from the UK. You just can't get the range of food we are so used to here. But as most of Jerusalem is still open for business as usual we can always pop out if we have forgotten anything.

Christmas blessings to everyone.

Christmas eve in Bethlehem

I am a bit worried about John Edwards. He is being very strict about our schedule. The first thing I heard this morning was panic that it was 8.30am and Kate shod have been on her way to collect the turkey. This is very unlike John. He isn't normally one for sticking to timings. I can think of more than one wedding that he has arrived after the bride (although fortunately not his own or ours.)

At 9.30 we were on schedule to head to Bethlehem for our first visit of the day. It takes about 20 minutes to drive there from here and we pass through military check point to get onto the West Bank. The IDF are out in full force today. Seriously. Men with machine guns like everywhere. Craziness.

In Bethlehem we stop in Manger Square to watch the parade. They remind me of the parades I was in when I was in the brownies as a child.

There is such celebration. I am also very warm in my Ugg boots. It is really warm here compared to home. We wander through the Church of the Nativity. Like many of the famous churches in the Holy Land it is divided into various sections, by denomination. And whilst there is much evidence that Jesus was born in Bethlehem, there is little that this is where X marks the spot. Still, for me, it is a place to spend a few moments reflecting. Here we are stood outside this famous church:
We then head to buy some secret Santa goodies. As we wall down one of the streets by the church a young boy hassles us to buy chewing gum off him. My heart is saddened as I see all the sores on his face. There is much poverty here, especially amongst the Palastinians.

Bethlehem on Christmas Eve is far from any Christmas card scene you would imagine. It is busy. There are policemen everywhere. There are parades. There are TV crews and jounalists. There are tourists and locals. It has a very real military presence that you are acutely aware of. It is a built up middle eastern town:

It even has it's own take on Starbucks:

We head back to Jerusalem and Jonny and I head into the Old City whilst John has to go and get the wing mirror fixed, which was broken whilst we were parked in Bethlehem. Having been here before we know our way around and wander through the streets of the stations of the Cross in the Christian quarter. We meet Kate outside the Holy Sepleche. John Edwards isn't here so we can go off schedule and buy jewellery and then head to the Austrian hospice for the best apple strudel in the world. And then it feels like we are on top of the world as we climb to the top of the hospice and look out at the views across the city. Truly amazing.

We get back on schedule and return home to them head back to Bethlehem. It is the first service of the day. Carols in shepherds field. We meet some of the clergy. The Bishop here is bishop of 5 countries. The carols are sung in both English and Arabic at the same time. It is a little strange. As is the American tune to O Little Town of Bethlehem. And the message is a little different. But the messages of hope ring true.

The rest of the gang sip whisky to keep warm. I hate the stuff so don't.

The very British tradition on eating far too much at Christmas is still live and kicking in this house. I am missing out on chocolate right now. We still have Christmas Eve roast beef and midnight mass at St Georges tonight. Although my Jonny may opt out of that and play on the wii instead. And try some more whisky. John Edwards made sure that was on schedule throughout the day. Christmas Spirit of the alchoholic variety.

Arrived in East Jerusalem

Today started early. 5.15am is early for me. Our road was icey and snowy when we left at 6am.

As we arrived at Heathrow there was much freezing fog and it didn't look like good flying conditions at all. We were there at least.

Security provided a slight hitch and meant that one of the beautifully wrapped gifts for Kate had to be unwrapped by me. Stupidly I had forgotten that I had included a full size rose hand cream in the box. Still, at least we now know those scanning machines work.

They then had to defrost the plane:

After a slight delay our flight finally departed and we were bound for Israel at last. As our plane took off I had a real peace about going away and after days of stressing over flights, excitement kicked in.

As we pass through security in a very warm Tel Aviv airport I get more excited. The smiling face of John Edwards the other side of the barrier brings enormous smiles to ours. We are here. Away for a special Christmas with our friends.

The drive from Tel Aviv to East Jerusalem takes about 45 minutes. This is now the third time we have visited here and the drive is getting familiar. I am still stunned by the enormous wall that divides this part of Jerusalem. I love this place though. There are pot holes in the roads, there are refugees and rubbish in the streets. This is a city where different religions, history and politics meet. It is so different from home yet there is a real warmth to the place that I struggle to put into words.

As we enter Kate and Johns home here, joy abounds. The house looks truly beautiful and full of Christmas.

We eat well and watch a stardust the movie. We laugh and relax. I feel very privalaged to be in this home, in this place, and with these people for Christmas time.

We have a schedule for tomorrow. Two trips to Bethlehem. A mouch around the Old City. And to Jonnys alarm there is talk of 3 church services. One at Shepherds field, midnight at St Georges and possibly one at St Annes too - which is the most stunning and simple church I have visited here. Oh and jewellery shopping if I am lucky.