Silly Joke

A friend texted me this one last night:

Why did George Michael have chocolate on his shirt?

Because he was a careless with his whisper.

hee hee

Tiredness, fatigue and sleepless nights

I've really been struggling with my sleep these past couple of months. The last couple of weeks have been particularly bad and the last couple of days I have discussed this with most people I have met - in the search for an answer to help. I have even sought medical advice from my GP and the hospital.

So, in no particular order here we go...10 tips to get a good nights sleep:

1. Keep a sleep diary. Apparently it may turn out I am getting more sleep than I think. Also tracking patterns about whether I am continually struggling to get off to sleep or waking up in the night. I already know the 3am issue is pretty constant for me
2. Go to bed same time and get up same time every day. I am finding this hard at the moment as am so tired and have lacked so much sleep, I feel like I am struggling to wake up in the morning so just want to get it when I can.
3. Avoid any distractions in the bedroom - TV, reading etc. I have heard the bedroom should only be for sleep (and sex)
4. Hot bath half an hour before bed. As the body cools after the bath this simulates the body's natural drop in temperature as you go to sleep.
5. Stretching. Stretching before you go to sleep releases tension in the body
6. Breathing exercises. Breath in for 7 counts and breathe out for 11. This slows your heart rate apparently. I have been trying this the past couple of nights and it seems to help actually.
7. Pillow spray. Essential oils on the pillow such as lavender can help with relaxation. Jon thinks this stuff stinks but I seem to persevere anyway. The association with the smells can also trigger your body to know it is time to sleep.
8. Muscular tensing and relaxing through the body.
9. Reduce caffeine intake generally
10. No negativity about sleeping at all. I shouldn't 't even be writing on here that I have a problem with sleep. I have to tell myself all day what a good nights sleep I am going to get and believe it.

So, in true Jo style I am trying all of these at the moment. Nothing like a project in my world. It's 9.05 and I need to take my lavender bath for 30 minutes to allow another 30 minutes to be stretching at 9.45, breathing in for 7 and out for 11 at 9.55 and fast asleep by 10.05. I WILL sleep tonight and I am going to feel so much better for it tomorrow. Yes I will sleep tonight, and I am so looking forward to my good nights sleep....

As an aside I also suffer from fatigue. This is tiredness that is not relieved by sleep and related to my medications etc. But if I can get some sleep, I mean WHEN I get some sleep tonight, then surely it will help. Night night hmm.

Economy Gastronomy

I've really enjoyed this show. I am just vegging on the sofa watching the last episode on the sky plus after a bit of a draining day. I find Allegra slightly bolshy and annoying but I like the principles that they follow, and it's the kind of advice I wish I'd been given years ago when it comes to cooking. Some of their advice on creating good food for less, and not wasting any leftovers, I have learnt myself in recent years, but some things are new to me, like wrapping your fresh herbs in damp kitchen roll to lengthen it's life in the fridge.

The core of their advice is meal planning, having a bedrock recipe and not letting ANYTHING go to waste. I try meal planning to a degree, but sometimes in our lifestyle at least, things come up - Jon will be late home from work or away, or we will be away or something else going on. I guess this is where the freezer comes in. As for bedrock recipes, I do this with roast chicken - roast on Sunday, make a stock with the carcass, make risottos and sandwiches with leftover meat, but I know I need to expand my repertoire there with lamb and beef on Sundays. Maybe that will be my autumn project. I need to up my red cell count on my current treatment so some good quality red meat in moderation is probably a good thing anyway.

We've got much better at not throwing out leftovers. Since we started doing the council food recycling scheme a couple of years ago, I have become acutely aware of the amount of food that can get thrown out if you don't freeze or over buy and end up throwing out old vegetables. I just found it really wasteful and embarrassing to be buying food and throwing it away.

So I guess at the moment I am quite inspired to follow their advice. I had Allegra in my ear at the weekend and froze all the broken cookies that didn't make it to the party and have just had some defrosted in the microwave so warmed through with some dairy free ice cream for pudding. I try and not have puddings too much, but it had been one of those days and am sure Allegra would have been pleased.

For all I have moaned about Allegra, bless her, the other presenter Paul Merret is pretty cool - and it turns out he is the chef at our local gastro pub - The Victoria. Secret Sheen hey, so unheard of. I'll be in the Victoria tomorrow for my regular post pilates coffee, I'm sure Paul won't want to hear about my leftover cookies if I see him, but you never know.

Pre match nerves

There is so much going on at the moment and I am exhausted. I haven't been sleeping well at all, but got some good advice from a fellow insomniac this afternoon at my nieces party, so am going to try some of her tips tonight. Stretching and breathing in for 7 and out for 11 apparently. I also have some sleep spray from my sister. Life seems so much harder when you are tired, and when you are dealing with big stuff like the big C like me, it can make it seem too hard sometimes.


I am getting my latest scan results this week. Urghh. I've been in a right old tiz about it all day, but have just been to church and feeling a lot more at peace now. I find it so hard to put into words my emotions about it all. I don't know if I will post what the results are - I like to be private about the ins and outs of the exact treatments I am having, but there will be a plan. And I am not this disease, it is something that has happened to me, so try so hard to focus on the other things going on in my life and who I am, not what has happened to me. The hard thing is when my capacity is hitting low and I have to keep going through tests, results, treatments, and again and again. It really is exhausting and hurts me so much to see the pain is also causes those I love and care about. The emotional burdan can become a physical one on top of everything else.


It's our wedding anniversary on Wednesday. Jon and I have made a promise to have a lovely evening together no matter what the results holds. Big sigh. Keep on Jo, keep on.

Sunday Mornings

I love Sunday mornings. I love the laziness of them. I find it hard to relax generally, always busying myself with something or another, but Sunday mornings are the one part of my week I will enjoy laziness. I see nothing wrong whatsoever with still being in my PJ's at noon on a Sunday. And my favourite way to spend them would be in bed. I tend to be torn between staying in bed for longer and venturing downstairs to pick the Observer up off the doorstep, make us a brew, and then quickly retreat for working my way through the Sunday supplements.

Also, it's all about the food. My perfect Sunday morning breakfast is smoked salmon and scrambled eggs. This is probably the only dish that Jonny can make better than me, and he taught me how to make, although the responsibility for making it these days tends to always fall with me...

Ingredients - serves 2

• Smoked Salmon, chopped into bite size slithers
• 5 free range organic eggs (believe me, really fresh organic eggs do taste so much better)
• Dash of oil, knob of butter if you want a real treat
• Splash of milk (can be dairy or rice - I try to avoid dairy and the rice milk works well)
• White sliced bread for toasting
• Freshly ground black pepper

Heat the oil gently in a heavy based saucepan. I find my faithful Le cruset best. Meanwhile gently whisk the eggs with the milk in a jug. Be careful to not over beat - you just want to break the yokes and blend really. Season with black pepper. Now, the secret of good scrambled eggs in my book is slow cooking over a low heat. So, add the eggs to the warm oil and break and move about with a rubber spatula gently from time to time. Again, be careful not to disturb too much, but enough to definitely not produce an omlette. As soon as the eggs look vaguely like scrambled eggs, turn off the heat. The heat of the pan will continue to cook them and there is nothing worse than dry and overcooked scrambled eggs. Add the smoked salmon and stir gently. The salmon will turn from a bright pink, to a soft pale pink - blending with the pale yellow of the runny eggs. Turn out onto hot white toast, season with more black pepper and serve immediately with a cup of tea and the paper in bed. Bliss.

BTW Jon opted for a bacon sandwich ahead of this this morning. That would be without butter and with tommy K. It must be a boy thing, bacon sandwiches. I'm really not that fussed on them.

Julie and Julia (and Birthday Cake)

I went to see Julie and Julia with my lovely friend Dhini on Thursday. I loved this film. In fact, right now I loved that film so much it is pretty high in my list of all time favourite films. It may just be that I have seen it at the right time - and maybe it won't seem so great when I buy it when it is released on DVD (like immediately) - but for now I loved it.

I have been trying to figure out what I liked about it so much. So, in no particualar order:

1. Merril Streep was AMAZING. I loved her character and the way she portrayed her.
2. It was set in Paris and New York, two of my favourite cities
3. It was about cooking. I LOVE to cook.
4. Both Julie and Julia loved and were loved by their husbunds for what they were. I am too
5. It made me want to blog again, something that has been on my mind for far too long.

I think my favourite line of the film was early on, after a tough day Julie is cooking and explains why she loves to cook. Not in her exact words but it is along the lines of the certainty of cooking. No matter what has happened in your day, you can have complete certainty that with the correct attention to detail and ingredients, then you can be certain that eggs and cream and butter will combine in the same way. And this is so true. One of my favourite things to do is to disappear into my kitchen, with radio 4 on rather too loudly, and to cook. To get out my pots and pans, or for a real treat my bakeware, and to combine ingredients and create good things. The creativity of good cooking, the reliability I have in Nigella and Delia to give me advice that will be true and I trust, is something I really enjoy. The more I bake and cook, the more I learn about what egg whites can do for royal icing and a dash of flour in a casserole can transform it. And once these lessons have been learnt they stay with me for the rest of my days.

I guess cooking is also a way I express my love for those I care about. I love to cook Jonny things he enjoys after a long day at work, or bake cakes for people I care about or throw together some cheese on toast when a friend may unexpectedly drop round for lunch. This is a way I express my desire to nourish and support those who surround me.

One of the joys of my life is my niece, Maisie Charlotte Young. Tomorrow my family will celebrate her second birthday. Through some difficult days, I also have certainty in her that she will smile when I sing badly, laugh when I crawl around on the floor and put her arms up for JoJo when I walk through the door. So today, with the best of my ability I have produced her birthday cake (and cookies) for her party. They may not win any awards, but I gave this baking my all - because I love her dearly and want her to look at a photo of her cake one day, and know her JoJo baked not for praise, not for anyone else at the her party, but just for her. Happy Birthday Mais.

Vancouver Trip

Haven't posted on my blog in an age but have considered it many a time. Always unsure as to how much of my heart I will bear on line - how much detail about my illness I will share, and how much I will regret saying things. However, at 3 am this morning as I lay wide awake due to jetlag from my flight back from Vancouver, I decided there are actually things it may help me to write down at the very least - and some of them very good experiences - so thought I would give it a go again.

So, I start with something amazing. My trip to Vancouver from which I have just returned. This is my second visit to Vancouver and it was a timely and wonderful time. Vancouver is a great city. It has beaches, it has mountains, it has the most amazing sushi I have ever tasted and it is home to one of my oldest and most faithful friends Becky and her lovely hubby Nick. Beck and I were great buddies through sixth form. We shared faith, friendship and fruit pastilles. Since we left school we have not lived in the same city, region and for the last 5 years, even the same country. But I am so glad we kept in touch and that our friendship has been reignited and I share my life with her.

If you ever visit Vancouver my top must sees are:

1. Stanley Park. Hire bikes and cycle the perimeter. I did this last year and is so worth it
   
2. Granville Island. Vancouvers answer to Borough Market. Grab a smoothie and some sushi and sit looking out at downtown Vancouver across the water.


3. Kits beach. Love it.


4. Grouse Mountain. If you are fit walk up. If you are feeling lazy get the cable car up. Choose a fine day - the view are amazing as are the nachos and pitchers of beer at the top.


5. Dove Cove. If I made it into a Kayak so can you - the views of beautiful British Colombia are not to be missed and the outlook from the water incredible


6. Sushi, sushi and more sushi. California rolls to die for. Seriously - the stuff is amazing.
   

This year it was great to spend time a couple of days relaxing in a ciy I love with my dear friends, having "done" a lot of the touristy things last year. To meet some of their friends, and just take in the gift of being able to be there. The main trip of our holiday was the 3 days spent on Vancouver Island. I had longed to visit Vancouver Island for years - likening it in my mind to Prince Edward Island for any fellow Anne of Green Gables fans. (Aside to all kindred spirits)

The forecast was awful. But we were blessed with good weather. We set out early on the Saturday morning, only just made the ferry (by about 2 cars) due to an essential coffee and croissant stop. The crossing over to the Island takes about 2 hours by ferry. Then our drive out to Tofino was about 3 hours. The boys saw a bear en route, the girls missed it. Darn. Before we get to our cabin, we stop off at Long Beach. Just beautiful. We've made it - the trip we had to cancel last year due to my illness was only paused - we made it to Tofino after all. The clouds are deep and stark, the beach endless and I am quiet and thankful as I snap photos.

We stay in a lovely cabin near Chesterman beach. We relax, jump into the hot tub in the rain, and then play card games and get good sleep. The next day the boys hire surf boards and Beck and I go for a lovely walk and spend good time together. We eat great food in the evening and just have a really lovely day.

The highlight in terms of wow factor was the tour Jonny and I took on the Monday. Again defying the forecast, we are blessed with good weather. We take a boat trip out to the hot springs and take in some whale watching on the way. The thrill of seeing one of these amazing creatures in the ocean brings back happy memories of our trip to Baja earlier in the year, but thats another story and maybe another post. We walk on the board walk up to the natural volcanic hot springs. We relax in the hot water and then head back down to the coast. Then we get on a sea plane and fly back to Tofino. I have wanted to go on a sea plane since I saw them when I visited Vancouver last summer. It's amazing - we circle a whale from the sky, and the clear afternoon sun provides perfect conditions to see this coastline in all it's glory.

We get the last ferry back to Vancouver. And on Tuesday we take in more sushi and spend more great time with Beck and Nick. I feel sad to be leaving. I love family, friends and home but am fearful of what news of my health I will return to, and want to cling on to this place and this time. I am so grateful to have the Bans in Van in my life, glad to have yet another wonderful memory to have shared with my husbund and for the opportunity to realise one of my dreams to visit Tofino on Vancouver Island. Let me dwell and remember that and not on the fears, for these days, in these times have been wonderful.