Pre match nerves

There is so much going on at the moment and I am exhausted. I haven't been sleeping well at all, but got some good advice from a fellow insomniac this afternoon at my nieces party, so am going to try some of her tips tonight. Stretching and breathing in for 7 and out for 11 apparently. I also have some sleep spray from my sister. Life seems so much harder when you are tired, and when you are dealing with big stuff like the big C like me, it can make it seem too hard sometimes.


I am getting my latest scan results this week. Urghh. I've been in a right old tiz about it all day, but have just been to church and feeling a lot more at peace now. I find it so hard to put into words my emotions about it all. I don't know if I will post what the results are - I like to be private about the ins and outs of the exact treatments I am having, but there will be a plan. And I am not this disease, it is something that has happened to me, so try so hard to focus on the other things going on in my life and who I am, not what has happened to me. The hard thing is when my capacity is hitting low and I have to keep going through tests, results, treatments, and again and again. It really is exhausting and hurts me so much to see the pain is also causes those I love and care about. The emotional burdan can become a physical one on top of everything else.


It's our wedding anniversary on Wednesday. Jon and I have made a promise to have a lovely evening together no matter what the results holds. Big sigh. Keep on Jo, keep on.